1. (BEN and MATT stare at each other. BEN squirms and looks away.)

    1. Matt: Come on!
    2. Ben: I can't. I want to laugh.
    3. Matt: Just look into my eyes.
    4. Ben: No, man. This is so gay.
    5. Matt: Look into my eyes.
    6. Ben: No. It's too funny.
    7. Matt: It's ok, man, turn around. Put your eyes on my eyes. Look into my eyes. Look into my eyes. Look at my eyes. Look into my eyes. (BEN closes his eyes so as not to burst out laughing. MATT grabs his face.) Open your eyes. Open your eyes. Open them. Look into my eyes. Look into my eyes. Look into my eyes. Look into my eyes. My eyes. Look at my eyes. Ben, look into my eyes. (BEN looks into my eyes. They have a legitimate moment of weird connection and truth.) Good. (MATT smiles.) We have to do the scene like that. (BEN lets out a deep breath.) You have to breathe though.
    8. Ben: Yeah, I'll work on that.
    9. Matt: That was good. That was really good.
    10. Ben: (To audience) Sometimes we would do that for 30-40 minutes. Look into my eyes. Look into my eyes. It was pretty fucking weird but sometimes it worked. And I have to say, to this day, Matt is the only person I have no trouble looking straight in the eye. (They share a genuine moment of connection.) You can have the Gatorade, you know.
    11. Matt: It's your last one, so...
    12. Ben: You can just buy me a Porche when we're famous.
    13. Matt: If I'm gonna buy you a Porche, I gotta kill the chips too.
    14. Ben: Be my guest, if you think your fat ass can take it.
    15. Matt: Wait, do you think my ass is really fat?
    16. Ben: No, Fat Damon.
    17. Matt: What did you say?
    18. Ben: I said, 'No, Matt Damon, I do not think your ass is fat ...Damon.'
    19. Matt: You just did it again. You called me Fat Damon.
    20. Ben: No, I didn't. But if I did, that's pretty fuckin' funny.
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